Your #1 Source of Quackery, Conspiracies, and Snake Oil
Quackin' Backs, Spreading Hate Speech About Geese, and Informing The Public About The Evils They Perpetuate.
Selling Snake Oil To Fund It All.
Buy Our Fresh-Squeezed Snake Oil To Cure Any & All Illnesses, While Helping Fund The Resistance Today
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What started as just helping patients has turned into a social awareness of the systematic efforts to destroy the health of us and our young alike
REALITY
The Geese are always watching, spreading GooseTrails across our lands, and taking massive Goose sh**s all over our yards and ponds.
This land was beautiful before they ravaged it.
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We are currently raising awareness of their evils through our QuaQanon Outreach. We will never stop until the truth has been brought to light.
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The Geese have ensured that the clear blue skies we once flew are no longer, having covered them with their GooseTrails, their stink, and their obnoxious noises. We must rid ourselves of the Canadian Goose, before it is too late.
To those who refuse to see, we will open your eyes
To those who refuse to hear, we will make you listen
And for those who refuse to open your beaks against the depravity you have now seen and heard, we will make you quack.​
(We will not ask you to begin using your sense of smell, however. Even we know Geese simply smell too awful to fathom forcing that upon our movement)
PROOF
They steal our ducklings, paint the sky with radioactive and toxic GooseTrails, but to add insult to injury, they also leave Goose shit all over our ponds and yards.
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Our ducklings now live a warped life, as we believe we have adequately evidenced. These pictures are worth a million quacks, truly.
As our founder, George Quackington crossed the Delaware, we too will cross great distances by air, water, or land to bring attention where it is due. We have turned away from too much, for too long. No more. The Quackening will be brought to light.
RALLY THE QUACKS
This is the stage where we really get our webs wet. Rallies, Town Hall meetings, coming to your nest so your hen can prepare dinner.
Every movement has a starting point -- and this is ours. The time is now.
COUNTER THE ATTACK
We have designed a comparable model to their surveillance Geese, and plan on using our SkyQuack soon. We will return the war, in kind, and meet them at the northern border as they attempt to migrate into our lands. We will no longer stand by and watch as our nation and species is ravaged by their existence and efforts in unconventional warfare.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
First: Take 3 Tablespoons of Snake Oil to the face every day. If you accidentally touch a Goose -- De-feather the area immediately and scrub skin with Snake Oil until skin is raw. You can put our Snake Oil in any sensory organ to protect against any and all forms of pollution that the Geese put off. Particularly the ears, as it can help dull the immense noise pollution they provide.
Second: Buy our token. This provides ample funding to fight their efforts to destroy our kind, but also supports the counter-attack.
For every 100 bottles of Snake Oil we sell, we vow to give one bottle of Snake Oil to a poor pond near you.
The 3 Stages of Quackery
STAGE 1
Self Realization / Epiphany
The inital stage of Quackery. You went to graduate school, you love science and research -- it couldn't have happened to you... could it have?
STAGE 2
Discovering the Joys of Snake Oil
Snake oil comes in many shapes and sizes. Some bottles contain a more pungent serpentine scent than others, but one thing is for certain -- it all tickles the pickle. Legal in all states except for California, like everything else.
STAGE 3
Getting Lost in the (Duck) Sauce
This leads us into the third stage. As the age-old addage goes -- "Once you go Quack, you never go back".
This oil has made you limitless. Now every day is like Christmas, but this year, duck ain't on the menu.
Common Questions and Answers
Q.) From which countries do you source and manufacture your Snake Oil?
A.) Our oil is sourced from the Assan State of India, where we employ the many droves of White-Winged Ducks, which are native to the region.
Does the oil extraction process hurt the snake?
A.) They've never complained, and if you can find one who will complain... well, I'd be surprised.
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Q.) What can the snake oil be used for?
A.) It'll put feathers on your chest, that's for sure. It's a literal miracle cure using ancient remedies that the AMA (American Mallard Association, which is really just made up of a bunch of Canadian Geese wearing Mallard Feather-Suits) don't want us to use.
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Q.) Is your snake oil cruelty free -- is it tested on animals?
A.) We've only performed product testing on animals that deserved it. Namely, Canadian Geese. We have Geese that are local where are our labs are in India, but I find special joy in importing Canadian Geese specifically. We've had very little pushback, as anyone who's ever spent a day around a Canadian Goose would understand. Plus, they are our literal enemy, and seeing as they have pushed past every boundary of international agreements, all rules have fallen by the wayside. They wanted to turn our ponds into mud-puddles, so lets get dirty.
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Q.) Do you use a third-party testing service to verify active compounds and assure consumers there’s no heavy metal or environmental contamination?​
A.) I've never heard of that... but we have the most contaminant free product on the market, guaranteed. I just know it.​
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Q.) Do you offer refunds if your product doesn't help me? Or offer any other guarantees?
A.) I guarantee you it will work, so if you don't heal, then its your body's fault. No refunds, no guarantees, guaranteed. So basically there's a guarantee just like you asked​
Immediate Skies Ahead:
PRIMARY IMMEDIATE TARGETS​
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Coinmarketcap page​
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Increased Socials
We need community engagement -- So if you agree that the Geese must go, don't stop spreading our message, just as the Geese have refused to halt their silent war on us Quacks. We have nothing but clear skies ahead, as long as we stick together.
Yours till the end,
- THE Chiroquacktor